Spring rain...

Yep... what's up with that? It's supposed to be spring already, but it's been raining a lot the past couple of days. I wouldn't mind that much the rain if not for the fact that I am sick. My throat is hurting, and I can feel my sinuses starting to get stuffy... =o(

Oh well... not much you can do about that, except to just keep on moving forward. I have realized today that I just can't stop and drop the things that I got going on. For instance I had planned today to just lay around in bed 'till late but I just couldn't. It felt uncomfortable... I wanted to rest but I just kept on waking up and I just finally gave up and got up.

I wonder what's the reason behind this... Is it really that my body cannot stand to stay in bed like it used to(hehe), or is it a mental thing. I mean I do have a lot in my head as of late, and I dunno.

Even when I don't want to, thoughts just pop into my mind. I guess I do have too much time in my hands... I just wish it wouldn't be this way, I need to fix this situation somehow. I know that if I don't then this is gonna get worse in the next couple of months.

I have a headache... =o(

I'm sick...

Who will I fight with... ?

Mixed emotions...
happy and sad...
thoughts in my head...
what the future will hold...
passing of time...
three months ain't that long...
she'll always be my friend...
"I will miss u."...
you know I'm missing you already...
"We all have to let go. Everything. Then we can truly feel relief."...
I would if I could, but you know that you are an important person in my life...


I love you...

I guess I'll do it...

Soooooo this coming Saturday, Danielle and Lara are gonna throw a 'thank you' party for the peeps that help them in the fashion show a couple of weeks ago. Sounds like it's gonna be something fun, and you know they have like the DVD and pictures and stuff... Looking forward to a good evening with the Heavy Hearts folks...

The only thing... (yes there's always something with me)

I know I'm gonna feel a little bit ackward being there. No, not because we'va had a lot of fights with Danielle, or the fact that we almost stopped talking, or the fact that aaahhh you get the picture... Nope it's not because of that, as a matter of fact I feel comfortable around her, even more than I did before. My problem is that I know that there's gonna be a couple of her friends which I think don't like me that much. I dunno maybe I'm just being a little paranoid about things...

Oh well, I mean it's not gonna be 'till Saturday night and a lot of things can happen between today and Saturday. I guess in the end, I'm gonna go because after all she is my friend and I think it would mean something if I went. Besides I don't have anything else to do on a Saturday night right?

...yeah that... I don't have anything else to do...

...except for dealing with the fact that I have to go, and that I want to go, AND...

=o)

I'll just keep that last thought for myself...

I decided that I will go.

Feeling better!

Hell yeah!!!

I spent the whole mofo day at home and it felt great!

I was able to clean most of the house(except for the kitchen), and also my room. I did laundry, so now I don't have to worry about not having clean underwear and stuff next week... Let's see I got to clean those nasty soap 'scum' stains that where in the shower and were beginning to piss me off... I finally replaced the nasty light bulbs that weren't working in the hallway(those were annoying).

Oh yeah it feels good to have the place fixed... well not all but at least now is more on the clean/nice looking side.

On other notes, my roomie just told me that he was gonna be moving out during the last week of May, so now I gotta start thinkin' about getting another one. Ugh... I mean don't get me wrong I'm all about meeting new peeps and stuff, but it's a hassle to look for a new roommate. Last time I did it I was so stressed about that shit... Oh well, c'est la vie...

On top of that Lang(the other roomie) is also gonna be gone for the summer, so that means that someone's gonna sublet her place and so there's also that whole looking for a nice subletter(sp?) thing... Oh yeah, it sounds like it's gonna be a fun summer...

Last but not least, check this out... Does this sketch look anything like me???

I got my doubts... but then again the artist was stoned... haha!


I can see the resemblance, hhmmm...

Resting...

I love Sunday's... well at the least the ones when I don't have to work. Also the ones where there's no drama going on... like today!

This is the first Sunday in a long ass time that I have done nothing but just stay in bed resting and recovering from a long week of working, partying, and handling a lot of 'issues'. For some reason it feels like today is the marking point to something, like the end of a period of my life. Well it should, for one I feel more at ease with the whole situation with Danielle. Have I learned to not be so attached to her? Hhhhmmm maybe not, but oh well, time heals that or something right... or at least that's what she says.

My mom called me earlier today to see how I was doin'. It's been some time since I've talked to her, what maybe like one month, or two... Damn time has flown by. I've been caught up in my own shit that I haven't even paid any attention to other things. I need to clean my room, and for that matter the house. Dammit... hehehe.

Today's a nice beautiful day outside, and I should be going out to enjoy it, but I think that for now it's better to just stay home and do my chores. I haven't spend a single day or at least a good portion of it in my house. I need to stay in today...

I went yesterday to an art gallery called "Battle Emblems" going on at the Intersection. It was pretty cool, it helped me get stuff out of my head for a while and it made me realized that no matter what the future holds for me everything will be alright. Got some of those pics here.

Man my mind is just going nuts today...
Got a lot of stuff in it, but all of it seems to be going in the right direction. I can't feel anything going wrong...

I guess my rant for today is over... haha!


Lazy Sunday

Performances...

So on Wednesday we are gonna have our first of three performances at the Supper Club. I'm really not sure on how that's gonna go for me. I'm not ready, mentally I'm in another place. I'm just hoping for the best right now.

I hate myself.

So this is how it ends...

Apparently it's over for real now. I mean I kinda had expected this to happend but for some reason I'm having a tough time accepting it. I mean the way that it all came down to... I dunno, I think the reason was stupid, I mean we had a lot of bigger, major issues than the reason as to why it all ended. I guess this one was the straw that finally broke the camel's back or something.

I'm sorry I just can't let this one go just like that. It hurts, and I know that this is wrong. I want to tell her a lot of things. I would like her to listen to the words that never come out of my mouth. I want her to know and feel what I feel...

I guess I missed the train on this one...

This can't be over... I wish it wasn't over... I wish my heart didn't have this hole...

Over and over I've met failure...

I guess that's just my life will always be...

Then again, tomorrow might be a better day...

Hope you sleep softly...
D

Thoughts in my mind...

Hhhmmmm...

A lot going on in my mind...

These past couple of weeks have definitely been a roller coaster ride. Up, down, happy, sad, memorable moments, and definitely some that I want to forget. Sometimes I wonder how the hell i got into this mess, and of course the same question follows: "Is it really worth it?"

I that it's all been worthy of the time. I have learned a lot from my experience and I would definitely like to learn more from it.

I'm sure I'm gonna have a laught about this once everything is over.

=oP

My friends...

It's funny how you never realize that you have many ppl that care about you until you actually open up to them. Lately I've been discussing and gathering opinions with some of my closest friends and they all come to the same conclusion that I should just walk away.

They don't want to see me get hurt, they don't want me to get my heart broken. They say that I'm not being rational about things and that I'm just looking for trouble. I know that I am, I know that this is a battle that I can't win. I'm swimming against the current and I know that it will eventually over power me. But I'm so used to fighting for a losing cause that I don't care anymore.

I wish that it could be different. I wish I could be the asshole that everyone wants me to be. I wish I didn't have a heart or any kind of feelings. I wish that we would have never met, it would make things so simple and different...

I know I'm gonna get my heart broken again...
I know that I'm gonna be left out in the streets...
I know that I'm gonna regret all of this...
I know that I love you more than you can possibly imagine...

Ugh!

Oh man, oh man...

I've been neglecting my household chores lately a lot, ugh!
I need to clean my room again, I need to clean the bathroom, I need to clean the fridge...
This sucks...

Also I need to pay off a lot of bills and I don't know how the hell I got into this mess. Granted that I've been spending money like a stripper and just throwing away money on partying... well ok so maybe not like a stripper but something like that...

Ugh!!!

I hate neglecting my house...

Oh yeah!!!

So today we got the word that we are gonna be performing next week on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday at the Supper Club. Oh yeah! I looks like we're on our way to 'stardom', eeeerrrggghhhh...

Ok so maybe not, but it's gonna be one hell of a week!!!

The plan so far is that we're gonna put up a simple Maculele coreography, and then some plainly bad-ass capoeira show.

I expect nothing less.

Oh yeah!

It's almost 1:45am...

no headache...
no worries...

but...

I do have a heavy heart...

Thanks D...

=)

Headache...

I have a horrible headache...
I feel sick...
Just what I fucking need right now, to feel like crap...
This sucks ass...
I'm off to bed...

Words can never explain what I feel...

I wish I could tell her how happy I am when I'm with her. I wish I could make her feel happy, and I know that I can do that, the only problem is that to do so, I have to be out of her life, so tonight I have decided to do that. I'm finally giving up and letting go.

It's hard but then again nobody said things are easy. But for some reason this time not only is it hard but it's also painful. Oh well, things happen for a reason... I'm sorry for leaving that horrible message in the answering machine... I'm sorry for making you cry... I'm sorry for not being the friend that you wanted me to be...

I know you are gonna be better off this way.

Goodbye

Funny how things work...

This has been a wild week, it has been long, exhausting, stressful, good, bad, memorable, exciting, boring, hahaha... I think I've learned a lot over the course of the past week, not only about myself but also about those that are around me.

On Saturday I talked to Danielle and it went ok. We both where in a much better condition to talk and I guess we both realized that what happened on Friday was dumb. We both acted irrationally, and I dunno what came over us, but definitely it wasn't worth putting what we have in jeopardy. We're definitely gonna take things one day at a time, and let things take it's course. You never know, it might turn out to be something wonderful or might not. But one thing is for sure, and it's that we both like and enjoy being together. We like each other and like I wrote on the note I gave her, I think we have a strong bond and we should take advantage of that.

So funny how Saturday came out, I gotta admit that I wasn't in any mood to go to work, and as I learned later on neither was she. But in the end we both wound up working together and as fate would have it, that was for the best. We are so alike in some ways that sometimes it amazes me. I'm happy for everything that happened today, and I think I can safely say that we survive our first 'fight'.

Hahaha...

I'm happy that's over, and now time to face whatever the future holds.

=o)

4:07am...

I'm tired...
I'm drunk...
I miss Danielle...
I gotta be at work in 4 hours...
I don't know what the hell I'm doing...

Nite!

My kids...

=o)

After a somewhat horrible morning, I stopped by Acro to pick up my bike and I got to see a couple of my old kids from last session, which I hadn't seen in over 3 months. It actually lifted my mood to see them, and also to play with them during class.

=oP

I love working with kids...

Man I look tired... =P

She said: "It's better this way"

As soon as I heard those words come out of her mouth I understood that it was over. The little 'fling' I had with Danielle had come to an end. It was sudden, and I gotta admit that it hit me like a bucket full of cold water.

It sucks because she is someone who really made an impact in my life, even thought we only recently met. I dunno, she says she can't be in a relationship right now. She enjoys her freedom... I should just forget about it, just 'let it go'.

Even thought it hurts to do so, I can't do anything more about it.

She's free spirited, and I know that you can't contain something like that. That's why I'm letting go, and even thought it breaks my heart to do so, there's nothing more I can do.

De Young Museum

So today I decided to take some time off the usual routine, and as soon as I finished my morning classes I rode my bike down to the "de Young Museum" and decided to take some random pictures.

Since I'm just learning how to use the new camera I got, I just started goofing around and took some pictures here and there. Although right now I can only take a limited amount of pics since I have a crappy ass memory card(32 megs) the ones that I took came out pretty good if can say so myself. I also found how to take several pics and them merge them all together to create a wide angle shot.

Like this one, of the Richmond District taken from the top of the tower at the museum:


Click on it to see the larger image!

I also took pics from some of the sculptures around the main building. Unfortunately because I was short on time I wasn't able to go inside.

=o/

Oh well... Maybe next time; in the mean time take a look at the some of the other pics I took, just click on the apple and it will take you to the album.

Hhhhmmmm... apples...

The thought of the day...

Well it's the thought for Monday, but I'm posting this on Tuesday since, I'm finally getting to write it...

=oP

"I realized today how many things I have learned from others, the good, the bad, the ugly(hehe). Wonderful things which I might pass on to other people, and also the things which I will just keep for myself for various reasons. None of those being selfish to a certain extent, but because those experiences can't be taught, shown or given away.
Those are the ones that you gotta treasure the most. Those are the ones that make life the interesting little adventure that it is.
Those are the experiences that make every person different from another."

Happy

Tonite I go to bed happy.
I've never had this much calmness during the past couple of months...
I've got no worries, no bitterness, nothing can go wrong, at least not tonight.

=o]

Indecisive...

It's a lazy Saturday and I'm having one of those indecisive moments...

Let's see, just woke up from a small nap(which went bad), and now I don't know what else to do. Should I be a hermit and just chill in my house for the rest of the day(option which sounds pretty good, since I'm broke and not feeling sociable) or should I drag my ass down to a BBQ down at Alex's & Luanda's(sounds good also and besides I love hangin' with my peeps)?

Ugh... What shall I do?

Oh well I'm gonna take a shower and see how I feel after it...

Vico's new home...

Yay!!!

Finally after a gruesome hour and a half, Vico(my bamboo) has a new home. It's a bit more stylish, and more colorful. I gotta agree that it does give Vico more of an 'attitude'.

Check it out...



Here's Vico in his old pot.


Taadaa!! His new home!

Now hopefully Vico will be happy and won't die like the last plant did...

Although in my defense I gotta say that the last one died 'cos, uummm nevermind...

=oP

Keeping my mind busy...

Yeah I need to find several ways to keep my mind busy, active, focused on things; other things...
I finally managed to clean up my room a little bit. Although I still need to dust most of it, I was able to clean the carpet, and take out endless shipping boxes which have accumulated over the past couple of weeks.

This sucks, even thought I feel like I have done a lot, the room pretty much looks the same.

Argh!!!

I've rearranged some stuff and move certain things(plants, and stuff), but I dunno there's something that's missing. Hhhhhmmmm... Right now I'm about to transfer my bamboo plant to a new pot. Hopefully it will like it, 'cos it would suck ass if it doesn't...

=o/

Oh well, we'll see what happens...

This moment...

This is it... the one moment...
I think about it all the time. It's the one where you realize that you don't know anything about anything. It's the moment when you take things as they come, and don't have time to think about the consecuences...

This is the moment where your whole future is decided, in a split of a second with no regrets...

Before I hit the sack...

It's late...
I'm hitting the sack...
It's gonna be another long day...

But just before I go away, I want to say goodnight to you...
Dream well...
Tomorrow's gonna be another day...

=P

Back in my house...

Damn!!!

It has been some time since I've been home. I mean I had definitely slept at home sometimes and come in to take showers and change and stuff, but other than that I've never been able to stay around and just chill. That is until today!!!

I just decided to come back home from work, and take a loooooonngg awaited nap. I've been too busy these past couple of weeks, rehearsing, training, and also hanging out with D. Don't get me wrong I love doing all those things, a lot! But there's times when you just need to take a little break and just go home, cook a meal and just chill.

Today, that was the day. I've realized that my place is a mess. I need to clean, put things back in their respective places and also I've got miscellaneous shit I gotta finish. Definitely this week that my schedule is gonna be kinda chill I'll get up-to-date with the everyday house chores. I've neglected my plants(sorry babies), I need to dust my desk(hhhmmm...), I need to buy groceries(man, oh man...), I need to build the old system back again to sell it off(no comment!), man I need to do a lot of shit...

Oh well at least all this shit will keep my mind busy in the meantime...

Para mi patria...

Este espacio de mi mente te lo dedico a ti...

Patria mia que siempre estas en mi mente. Aunque tengo muchos años de no verte, cada vez que me recuerdo los buenos momentos que pase junto a ti, me hacen sonreir. Los malos momentos, aunque tristes, tambien me traen una sonrisa debido a que siempre estaras atrapada dentro de mi conciencia.

Yo se que algun dia nos volveremos a encontrar. Aunque ambos hemos de cambiar con el paso de los años, siempre seremos el uno para el otro. Siempre tendremos aquel recuerdo, aquel momento que quedo en el pasado. Porque aunque no lo querramos aceptar, ambos nos hicimos y crecimos juntos. Posiblemente yo aprendi mas de lo que tu aprendiste de mi, y esa es la razon por la que siempre seras parte de mi alma. Y por esa razon es que siempre yo sere tuyo y te tendre dentro me mi corazon.

Ah yes...

Art... hehehe...
My kids are wonderful...