6 months...

Time does fly...
It's been almost 6 months since I decide to fly away. Run from my ghosts, if you may. I try to see the whole point to all this and the more I search for one the more I realize that there is none. I'm running from myself, and I'm not doing a good job at it. For he who is I is always present, he stares back at me every time I see a reflection of myself.
I try to confuse him by changing my appearance, yet he always finds me. Even mocks me by dressing up in the same clothes. I hear a voice that haunts me every time, only to find that there is noone else but myself...

I do understand that the decisions I make in the next couple of days, as well as the events that will trigger will define me for a long time. How can I choose to do the 'right' thing, even those decision will have big repercussion in the long run. It's like one of those 'choose you own adventure' books which I loved to read as a child, but this time the main character is me. There is no going back to page one and start over in this tale.

They say the most dangerous of animals are those who are injured and cornered, and right now I am both. Not only am I dangerous(not in the violent way), but if I have learned anything about myself(maybe the only thing I know) is that, when I'm on the verge of losing it all is when I'm at my finest.

I've seen myself in this point before, with nothing to lose but my sanity. It's those moments when the real me comes out of its shell and does the unthinkable, the unexpected, and shines as bright as the sun. For when I have nothing left to lose, the only way I can go is forward...

No matter what I do from this point on, I will not regret it, ever. For there is nothing more I can lose, except myself.

The sorrow the follows...

Tonight I will dedicate a few words to my sorrow...

Even when I close my eyes and think of the beautiful light that had shine on me once, I just to open them and to find myself curled in the dark room I'm in.
Remembering the times when we giggle like kids, playing tag and running around our favorite playground.
I wonder if you ever look up at the sky to find the stars that listened upon us, as we laid down and told the stories under that bright full moon.
The first kiss we had, nerve racking and passionate, for we knew it would happen. A matter of time, it was just a little quick question that needed to happen.
Ever since I pushed you away my soul has lost it's way.
I'm not happy with my world, nothing is what I thought of, nothing is the same.
Yet still as I sit and day dream of the life that could have been, I realize I have to find my own way.
Somehow, in some way, this dark room I sit and curl up in, is my gateway to freedom from myself.
I just hope someday I'll find the way to open the curtains to this window. Having the light from outside shine into my heart, peeking out the window to find you happy.
Until that day, I'll just keep my sorrow locked in this prison inside my head.