Patience...

Yep...

A lot...

I have to admit that if there's something I can say about myself that makes me really proud is that I have a lot of patience... I guess that's why I'm able to work with the kids so well, but also I mean you gotta recognize that they are after all little kids and that all they wanna do is play and have fun.

NOW on the other hand when it comes to adults, THAT'S a different story... Sometimes I just feel like choking the living hell out of some ppl or just mea lua their ass into next week. Usually I'm pretty mellow about things and don't let small differences(or big for that matter) cloud my judgement about ppl, but there's a few(trust me a really small group) that really get's on my nerves...(yeah hopefully you're reading this asshole!)

Pardon me for that little outburst... anyhow yes there are some ppl I would just like to flat out whack 'em, but unfortunately I can't... well I can, but I won't 'cos in the end I do believe that 'what goes around comes around' and these ppl will get what's coming to them someday.

Karma! Ah yes... that will do justice! Because if it doesn't then I'd hate to be the one to do it...

=oP

What the fuck?

• What the fuck am I gonna do next week? (Got an entire week off)
• What the fuck with the shitty weather? (It's suppose to be summer!!!)
• What the fuck is going on with the knee? (I know I should be taking care of it, I've been neglecting it!)
• What the fuck am I gonna put on the 'Employee Self-Review'? (Ugh I hate doing those...)
• What the fuck is going on in my life? (I've reached a point where I'm kinda floating around in a mist of uncertainly)
• Last but not least... Why the fuck am I just complaining lately and not doing anything to fix shit???? (Hhhhhmmmm...)

=o/

Three years...

Time sure passes by quickly...

It's been three years since I made the decision of coming here to San Francisco and it has been an adventure. There has definitely been a lot of up's and down's throughout all this time and it has been a nice learning experience. I have definitely grown and matured a lot in this short period of time.

Analyzing all this has made me realize that I really needed to get the hell outta Guatemala. I definitely had no future back there, and I had a wall that kept me from being myself. Back then I was just wasting my time, and throwing my life down the drain.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying that I know in this exact moment what I want to do with my life and all, but at least now I feel like I have the liberty of doing whatever I feel like it. I mean it's the first time in almost 5 or 6 years where I don't have to take care of anyone else but myself. I guess I can say that this is truly the beginning of my life...

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

=o)

The reason I hate to lie...

Well usually I'm pretty open in my conversations and always go around telling ppl what I truly think and feel about certain situations, but today I was confronted by one question which not only kinda disturbed me, but also I didn't have any clue as to what to answer...

While talking to some friends at a party the subject of relationships came along and in mid-conversation, someone asked me about what I would do IF I was confronted with the situation in which I was at a random party with Tonya, and whether or not I would flirt around with other girls knowing that she was there at the party. The reality is that sincerely I don't know what I would do. Actually, I do know... The reality is that I just wouldn't because deep down inside I have feelings for her and I do like her a lot. BUT even though I feel that way about her, the thing is that we are nothing more than friends so far... And in that's a hard question to answer because I don't know what I would do...

I mean... it would depend on the situation, but then again out of respect I guess I would not do anything, largely in part cos I've already tried to do that and the road led me anywhere but to one destination and that's T. I guess that means I'm really stupid, really stubborn, or just a hopeless romantic... =P

Hopefully it's the last one...

BUT during the conversation I lied to everyone... I just admitted that I wouldn't care flirting with other ppl... I said that I would just go around and do it, when in reality I know that I couldn't be able to, because that's just wrong. In my opinion you can't do something like that to other ppl. That's bad, especially in a situation where you know that both parties involved have something between them.

I hate lying, not only because I'm not expressing what I really think, but also because deep down, I'm trying to lie to myself...

I guess deep down inside I have strong feelings for Tonya...

And that's all I have to say about that subject...

XoD

Hhhmmm... Pancakes at midnight!!!

Yup I love them... I been cooking some pancakes with the recipe my bro gave me and they are great!!! Now as I write I have a couple of them cooking... hhmmmm I'm soo hungry!!!
So now that I 'm writing about them, here the plan... After cooking three or four, I will then proceed to make some over easy eggs and place them on top of the stack of pancakes. Then I will just pig out on them... hhhmmm... *stomach growling*

Man they smell soo good... This is gonna be my lunch/dinner...

I love pancakes!!!!

Kicking my own ass...

Hahahaha... Yup, that's what I'm doing. Today I found out about a couple of events which I had no idea had happened. Well in a way I knew about them 'cos I kinda was responsible for creating them, but I just found out about what went on after I had left the scene of the crime... AND all I can do is just kick my own ass...

Missed opportunities...

NowI got that doubt in my mind of 'what if' and I hate it. Oh well... Just drop it for now I guess, cos in reality that's about the only thing that I can do now. Still it sucks... =P

Anyhow I'm midway through my two weeks-straight-working adventure and I'm beat... Woohooo, only seven more days to go... hehe
Nah I'm not gonna go out like that, it's fun I actually love that I have tons of work, sure it's tiring and stuff but oh well. The thing is, that when I come back I have no energy whatsoever and I still got to clean up and fix the room... mmuuuaaaaaaaa!!! >.<

I need a nap... yeah that sounds like a good idea!
But only a short one, I got too much shit to do...

Cheers!

In the Dashboard...

This blows... Saturday night and I'm at home with nothing to do... Ugh! Oh well at least tomorrow I won't have to worry about being late to work or anything like that. I've been trying to finish the fixing of my room and man this shit is soo fucking hard.

Instead of fixing this shit I just got more stuff lying around and it sucks... It really demoralizes me and well I've just given up for today. I'm just being a lazy ass, hhhmmmm, yeah I know I should take care of it but it's just that I'm feeling a bit uneasy.

I think I know the reason but I don't want to admit it. I'm in denial of my own feelings right now, and I really don't know what to do. I need a distraction or something, and it sucks that I couldn't go to the batizado up in Arcata because I'm so broke right now it ain't even funny. Got to do something about it, well not like I'm not doing anything I mean after all this past week I've been so busy that I was truly tired today.

I guess it wasn't a good idea to try to fix the room while in this state. Hhhmmmm...

On a positive side I got to talk to my bro today. Since it's his B-day I wanted to call him up to see what was going on down there. Although nothing is going too good, I'm happy to hear that they're ok. Oh well...

Also I got to talk to T today... =P It actually took me by surprise that I was able to speak with her since we've been phone taggin' lately and I thought she was just avoiding me or something. We talked for a while it wasn't too long which I guess it's good 'cos I don't wanna say anything wrong or something that's outta place(like I always do).

I don't want to admit it, but even thought at the start it was just a 'one night fling' I'm getting too attach to her. Not a good thing because it's just not a good idea, or is it? I mean it looked like we where on the same page for a while, but then you know all this long distance thing happened and even though I'm the first to cut things and let go in this case I can't.

Someone please shoot me, or hit me or something...

The funny thing is that even thought I know this is the worst thing I could have ever done, I like it a lot. I guess 'cos I'm hooked... =P

I need to go out and have a drink or something... hehe.

Oh well, let's see what time has in for me.

;oP

A long Wednesday!

Yup, it really was a loooonnngg wednesday for me. Woke up really early to go to work and to my surprise all of my classes are great!!! I though that I was gonna hate it today but it went pretty mellow.

Nice kids, great parents, and pretty babysitters =P Ummmm... yeah! Then in between classes I went today to the Lycee for the closing ceremonies, and they decided to have this huge capoeira presentation in which all the kids who wanted to participate were involved. To my surprise a lot of them got into it, hehe... I was amazed at how the vibe of the entire event was, I mean kids were jumping, singin, clappin, playing, it was great!!!! I love it, too bad it was all over today.

=(

Unfortunately because the program was experimental, and they switch it every year we might not be back next year, even though everyone loved it, but then again you never know... hhhmmm...
I know that at least the Elementary is interested in it and that will continue, but the big kids are another story... oh well... =(

At the end something happened to me that I found kinda funny since it was a long time since I've done it. One of my students asked me to sign the yearbook for her. It kinda took me by surprised since I never though about being such a big influence to someone in such a short time. I guess I just aren't used to thinking that I might be in the eyes of kids a kind of role model..

=P

I guess that happends a lot when you teach, and also I guess it means that I'm getting old or something...
Just thinking that someone actually looks up to me is... kinda flattering, I guess I'm doing the right thing somewhere along the line.

I will miss those kids for sure...

Then my day continued by going back to work and teaching a couple of more classes... It was tiring but I had fun, I love the kids in my classes. Then I got to teach another capoeira class to some kids, since the guy who was gonna teach them a breakdancin' workshop was a bit late and I was the only one around they asked me to fill in for a couple of mins.

Of course by the time everything was done and the guy showed up it was time to go to Capp St. to train. Man, it feels good to train, after the long month of absence I'm beginning to get back into the rhythm of things. I need it soooo much. I'm just falling back and I need to start training hard to reach the level at which I was before. Oh well we'll see how it goes, but for now I gotta go to sleep, I'm tired as hell as I had to bike after class all the way home, and it was chilly and windy as hell...

Hopefully I won't get sick... =oP

Summer is here, I guess...

Yep, it seem that summer is here... Or at least it is for me, tomorrow I start the summer session at work and I'm looking forward to it. Although I'm not quite ready for it, I'm looking forward to it.

I got back from Eugene in one piece as usual, and it went ok. Got to teach my first adult capoeira class up there and it went fine. The ppl got the sequence that I showed them and I'm pretty happy the way the class went. Not much to tell about the trip really, just that at least it had my mind preoccupied and that was good.

The only thing was that when I got back I realized that my room is all messed up. I've been laggin' behind on the fixing of shtuff and well, I definitely have to set up and clean my shit. So far so good, I've got like half of everything cleaned. But still I got a lot of things that I have to find a place to put them at. Ugh!

Also this week I'm finally giving the keys to the old place. Oh well... I guess this finally means I'm moving on. Good for me, it's kinda hard to think about it but oh well... C'est la vie!
Hopefully the place is clean by now and I won't have to stress out about cleaning it at the last minute, cos that would suck!

On a brighter note I finally went to pick up the adaptor for my speakers!!! YAY! They work again, and I'm soooo happy! Finally I can listen to music and stuff without the dreaded headphones, I mean I like headphones don't get me wrong, but it was a turning into a big hassle.

Also I went out and bought me a new "executive" leather chair... which has a built in massage thingy into it... hehe!! I love it!!!! aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh... soooo reeellllllaaaaxxxxiiiinnnnggg....

hehe...

Slowly but surely my room is getting a new 'look'. Hopefully I can finish fixing everything tomorrow, and I will feel a whole lot better.

=P

I've just been too lazy lately. I'm kinda bummed out a bit, but it will pass. I went to train today for the first time in over a month to Capp St. and it felt good. The knee is a little bit sore since I biked all over the city in the afternoon, but it's ok. Oh well... I'll try to start training hard core from now on, I've been a punk lately and haven't taken capoeira as serious as I should.

=P

My bad... But it's ok I'll get back into the rythm of things in no time!!!

Or else I'll be screwed...

hehe

Nite!

Getting away from the city...

Yep, I'm leaving the city for a couple of days. I know I shouldn't cos I gotta lotta shit to fix(new place and stuff), but right now I just feel like getting out on the road and visit new places. I know it's gonna help me relax and not think about all the stuff that has been happening lately.

Besides a vacation every now and then is just what the doctor orders!

So tomorrow morning I'm leaving to visit Salsicha up in Eugene. Looks like it's gonna be a fun trip, I mean check this out...

• Catching a ride with a complete stranger(looking forward to this)
• Gonna visit a new place(this one always get's me)
• Visiting in on an old friend(everyone loves hanging out with their crew, no matter when was the last time you seen each other)
• Adventure(hehe it will be... I'm broke, can't spend much, don't know what the hell I'm thinkin!!! I LOVE IT!!!)

Anyhow I'm probably not gonna be back until Friday at the latest(I think I gotta work on Saturday).

=o)

I need to get outta town for a couple of days...

See ya!!!

Farewells...

You know I've got to admit that I have never ever gotten used to the farewells...

I hate them completely even though all throughout my life I have said goodbye to a lot of peeps, I have never liked to do it. I know I will never be able to see someone leave my side even if I know it's for the best. Everytime something like that happens I get angry, I get sad, I just go nuts... hehe.

It's sad but it's true, once I know that it's inevitable I start to act irracional... hhmmm... specially with the person that's leaving(Doh!). I've got to learn how not to do that, but I've got to admit that on that split of a moment before the depart I come back to my senses and try to make it up to them.

Fortunately it works most of the time(I admit sometimes I screw up big time!) and in a way it helps me cope with what's happening because hhhmmm... I dunno why actually, it just does. I guess it's the whole 'I want to get this out of my chest' thing or something.

*sigh!*

Then again even though someone I got close to left for the summer, I get the feeling it's gonna be ok. Call it a hunch or a feeling or whatever, but I know everything will be ok. Three months ain't too long... ;oP

C'est la vie!

I'm a sucker...

!

hehe...
=oP

A New Beginning

Finally I'm back and writing something in here! Been out for what almost two months??? Yeah I know a long time, but i have been having a lot of stuff going on in my life. Event's that have been life changing and that have just open a new door in my life.

For one, unfortunately after fighting for her life my granny past away. This is the biggest blow I've had in my life. Mainly because I was the one taking care of her for the past three years, and she was the only person which was my family. Even though we not always agree on stuff, she was someone who was important during these past three years and her loss hit me hard.

Then there was the whole 'family' incident after her death were in the end I just decided to walk away from all, since the events that followed were pretty ugly. I'm not going to go into details but oh well... C'est la vie...

Time to move on, now I have the opportunity to really start my life. Now the only person I have to take care of is myself. I'm happy, I got me a new room where I'm living, I got a steady job which I love doing, and as long as I'm healthy I'm happy.

At the start of all this I was actually a bit afraid of all, since all of a sudden I was all alone, but now I see it as a challenge which I know I can overcome. Not to be overconfident or anything like that, but I just know that everything is gonna be ok. Then again if it's not, I can just laugh and keep on going on. I mean that's what life is about right? New challenges, new solutions, and always being able to find a solution to the problems.

=o)


On another note, while I wasn't updating the blog we had our batizado. I finally got my green-yellow belt and I'm happy. Although I haven't been training a lot lately I'm happy. I know Mestre is gonna be on my ass because I haven't been in class, but it's not my fault... =oP

I'll start training hard soon... trust me! =o)

Also I'm soooooo broke right now, hehe... For some reason instead of being worried I'm not. I just have the feeling that everything is gonna be ok.

I've definitely had been through a lot of hard times lately... It's hard to say goodbye sometimes... But it's inevitable, and also it might be for the best...

A new beginning is always good...

=o)