Into the abyss...

Tell me how to jump off in the deep end...
How does it feel on the way down, when you know there's nothing else left to break your fall...
I can tell you my emptiness inside...
Will you laugh at the next joke I have?

When it's all said and done...
We know everything will be gone...

So am I.

If I could...

Run into the woods where the green faerie stood,
mocking me for the way that I've been strolling along.
Apparently I'm too much of a whore,
but do you really know how I roll?

Just because I open my mouth to blurt out some words,
doesn't mean I'm able to tell the story the way that it's suppose to go.
Even though it sounds like a cop-out,
it's just the real stupidity in my mind.

Being misunderstood is the only thing I really know I can do right.
Maybe if you take the time, you'll find out that sometimes I'm right.
Take your time, take my hand.
Let's walk together through this great divide.

Spring time is around the corner...

2011...

It's around the corner...
Spring is coming... I saw bee's flying the other day...
It's been happy times lately, the sun has been coming out from hiding...
Although we get the occasional rain here and there, everything seems to be ok!

=0)

It's a happy time for me...

Daydream

Can I daydream a little today?
Thinking about what can happen
in the future, someday.

Nervous with excitement,
In a position of enlightment.
A time of decisions,
take the step and start the
next mission.

Two more days until you are mine,
thinking of you every moment,
is that a crime?

I sigh, I ponder,
I'm ready to play,
hold my hand,
let's run away.

Draw into the crowd...

I'm being drawn into the crowd...
The crowd which makes the sound we all like...
A crowd which is not unlike the ones I've hung out with...

They will tell me about the way life is...
the problems we all have...
relationships will not be the life...
my love will always be on the line...

she will never be the love of my life...
because she will never be as pretty as you are...
I know she knows this...
you know it's the way it's suppose to be...

So dance with me...
at least for this night...
for I know your beauty, will be forever with me...

=)

I don't like myself...

How can I convince you it's me I don't like...
But if you really don't like me, then I won't try to fight...
for everything you feel and think it's just what you want...

For every move that I make,
there's a counter to the love that I fake...
You love someone else, as I see your face...

For some though of you it make me aware,
of the force that tries to keep me awake,
from the truth that keeps me on the phase that you make...

For I keep this face for you...
It might seem so strange to you...
But it just might be...
the love for you...

I keep my love so strange to you...
I'll keep my emotions,
so hard for you to choose,
I'll keep my personal things away from you...

But I'll, keep loving you 'til the end...
Just tell me this is not what you excepted in the end...

We'll just smile and say our farewell...
for it's our own end,and we'll fail,
to see the beauty that lies in the end..

=)

The change of a season...

Fall is upon us again,
as the sky begins to darken with the grey clouds,
my mind just lingers and asks why?

Where has the sun packed it's bag to leave us,
down south to tell someone a story of summer,
as we hunker down for the cold to see us.

Last week I crossed the line, and figured it was time
for me to start thinking of the things I left behind,
and for the things in front of me.

For our story start in a blank page, and we will just have to see...

Just tell me...

If you tell me which way to go, I'll probably listen...
Doesn't mean I'll go wherever you tell me, but at least I'll have an idea of how that path goes.

Yet if you ask me to run away with you, I'll do it.
Although I know that's not an option for you, but it would be for me,
just ask and see...

But as we stand right now, I know that we have everything down...
You over there, and me sitting here,
where no-one will ever see,
let's just go our own way, our life in front of us awaits!

You want what you can't get...

Like the drops of rain you fell into my life,
attracted to each other we are, a love which will never survive,
Your heart is chained to another space and time,
and I'm, well I'm just drenched here in the cold outside.

In those pretty eyes I can see the life we could have,
but with every blink our reality sets in.
Please don't ask me to come in, how dare you say you'll give me a warm meal.
Can't you just see I'm fine and dandy in this cold spot right now.

It's not that I can't answer, it's just that I'm daydreaming in my mind,
I can see the flowers blossoming in the spring,
I see myself running down a stream,
thinking of nothing but how life would be,
if this wasn't a dream.

It's ok, I'll be around,
We'll meet at the same spot tomorrow.

To that cutie...

Your smile sparkles each time you laugh,
try to hide it with your accent,
but those pretty eyes of you tell me what's going deep inside you,
because every time you look into my eyes I can see your hunger.

I know you like me, as I do too,
if circumstances were different it would be a different story,
but you have someone, and I'm not looking for anyone to be true to,
so for the most simplest of reasons we cannot be together.

I'm sure, the great ones through history
would not believe their eyes as something so simple as our attraction
is not consumed with great passion.

Well, at least we had tonight... sleep tight.

If...

If you where here, would you smile at me?
If you stood besides me, would you look at me?
If I extended my hand, would you hold it?
If I saw into your eyes, would you see back into mine?
If I said anything, would you listen?
If I told you how much I miss you, would you open up your heart?
If I told you I'm sorry, would you forgive me?
If we saw each other ever again, would you walk away?
If we loved each other, would we forgive?
If we walked into the same path in our life, would you walk away?
If we shared our adventures, could I forgive myself for being the person that I was?
If you read this, know that I still care and love you with all of my heart...

So much for leaving tracks...

As the new adventures begin, old story books are closed. The move is in full effect, nothing from the previous place will survive, it will be carry on only in our memories, for anything that remains will continue it's own story. Where will time take them only they will know, for the path that has brought us together is now taking us apart.

As I write these words down all I can think of is the impressions that have been left behind. Oh the stories things could tell if only they spoke. Silent witnesses to our triumphs and failures, the history of things along the sands of time.

5 years is a long time... so much memories... all carried within me, all part of me, they have shaped my path and soon all will be gone.

A long lost memory of the life I have left behind.

Snappy situation

Don't you just hate those moments when you realized you did something that was a bit too much. Maybe just taking things up a notch just to see how the situation develops?

I caught myself in such situation, it's just the build up of so much stuff that I had to release a bit of my insight. I blew up a bit... But it's good though I'm over it.

Meh!

6 months...

Time does fly...
It's been almost 6 months since I decide to fly away. Run from my ghosts, if you may. I try to see the whole point to all this and the more I search for one the more I realize that there is none. I'm running from myself, and I'm not doing a good job at it. For he who is I is always present, he stares back at me every time I see a reflection of myself.
I try to confuse him by changing my appearance, yet he always finds me. Even mocks me by dressing up in the same clothes. I hear a voice that haunts me every time, only to find that there is noone else but myself...

I do understand that the decisions I make in the next couple of days, as well as the events that will trigger will define me for a long time. How can I choose to do the 'right' thing, even those decision will have big repercussion in the long run. It's like one of those 'choose you own adventure' books which I loved to read as a child, but this time the main character is me. There is no going back to page one and start over in this tale.

They say the most dangerous of animals are those who are injured and cornered, and right now I am both. Not only am I dangerous(not in the violent way), but if I have learned anything about myself(maybe the only thing I know) is that, when I'm on the verge of losing it all is when I'm at my finest.

I've seen myself in this point before, with nothing to lose but my sanity. It's those moments when the real me comes out of its shell and does the unthinkable, the unexpected, and shines as bright as the sun. For when I have nothing left to lose, the only way I can go is forward...

No matter what I do from this point on, I will not regret it, ever. For there is nothing more I can lose, except myself.

The sorrow the follows...

Tonight I will dedicate a few words to my sorrow...

Even when I close my eyes and think of the beautiful light that had shine on me once, I just to open them and to find myself curled in the dark room I'm in.
Remembering the times when we giggle like kids, playing tag and running around our favorite playground.
I wonder if you ever look up at the sky to find the stars that listened upon us, as we laid down and told the stories under that bright full moon.
The first kiss we had, nerve racking and passionate, for we knew it would happen. A matter of time, it was just a little quick question that needed to happen.
Ever since I pushed you away my soul has lost it's way.
I'm not happy with my world, nothing is what I thought of, nothing is the same.
Yet still as I sit and day dream of the life that could have been, I realize I have to find my own way.
Somehow, in some way, this dark room I sit and curl up in, is my gateway to freedom from myself.
I just hope someday I'll find the way to open the curtains to this window. Having the light from outside shine into my heart, peeking out the window to find you happy.
Until that day, I'll just keep my sorrow locked in this prison inside my head.

For the seasons

As the seasons go by, I keep staring from the same spot on the bridge. Winds, rain, ice, and eventually some sunlight may be in the horizon. I wonder what will the next dawn will bring. For all intent and purposes we all know that we must move on. Staying in the same place, no matter how good it is, it won't last forever. Like the ever revolving earth and the seasons, everything comes and goes.

Where will I go? Where will my feet take me? I will never know until I get there, for my feet have carried me over extensive lands. I've seen the beauty in spring... experience the warmth of summer... I been lucky to see the falling leaves in the fall, and the cold harsh weather the winter has to offer. And yet I'm still here, waiting...

Waiting for the next step to be taken, the next mile on the road to pass by. Like a flock of migrating birds in the sky trying to reach their destination, I know I'm searching for a better place, greener pastures if you may. A place where I can feel the warm embrace of destiny, may it be by the delight of knowing that all my travels have been not in vain. Or it may be the cold harsh feeling of the icy ground, which keeps on giving me a constant remainder that there is still a lot I have to learn and suffer.

There is still much to lose in this life, but also a lot to gain...

In those moments of despair I have to keep on remembering that nothing lasts forever, for it's something that will only be carried around as long as people can remember. But even memories vanish in the sands of times. Nothing is what we think it is, just the illusion of what we want it to be.

And yet, with those things in mind I keep reminding myself that the world keeps on turning, and the seasons keep on coming one after the other. Bringing me closer to that place which I long for, a place which I can finally call home. My true resting place where all the memories of that bridge in which I stood on so long ago will seems like an insignificant speck in my life.

For when I'm dead and long gone, none of this will ever matter...

Ask me...

Ask me how 2009 was...

SHIT...
That's what is was...
SHIT...
Nothing more than pure crap. A smoldering pile of fucking shit. I really don't wanna know anything about it. This year is the one year that I will always try to blur away from my mind.

Utterly complete SHIT.