Mixed feelings for April & May

I really don't like April or May as much since last year. It's been almost a year since my Granny was admitted to the hospital and diagnose with terminal cancer. It cause a lotta pain for me, as that month and a half was hell. I wish to think that I was ready for that time, but in reality I wasn't even close.

I tried to fool myself that I was in control of things, that I was gonna be able to handle my emotions, and in turn that I could steer throught the situation. But the reality was that it got to a point where it overwhelmed me. I caved in to the pressure, and I ran away from it. It was just too painful for me to see how she was deteriorating one day at a time. In the end I knew that she wanted it to end, that last day I felt it as she looked blankly into my eyes and keep on calling out for my brother and I.

I know that she found her peace with us and that she made up and was able to finally defeat her demons on that day.

I've never ever felt so alone in my life...

Even though I never said it to her I loved her more than she could possibly imagine...

I know you are in a much better place now, and I've realize that I can start to finally move on with my life. But just because I'm moving on, it doesn't mean that I will forget you...

You will always be missed.

R.I.P.
Emma F. Castillo (8/24/1934-5/16/2005)