I just can't do it...

This past weekend I thought it was the one that crossed the line. It was the straw that broke the camel's back(or something like that); after making up my mind, arguing with Danielle over what had happened, and where we stood, I thought the only resolution was to just avoid her at all cost.

No talking, no crossing paths, not even working together anymore... But in the end I did that today and I just can't do it... I'm not ready to just pack my shit and leave. I can't run away from this one... not like I've done in the past.

After avoiding her intentionally at work, I felt like shit. The only thing that I had in my thoughts was her. How she was, how we just ended our conversation(ok so not conversation but text-msg) on Sunday. I'm just not ready to do it, and that's a bad thing, I guess...

Anyhow after thinking about it for a long period of time I had to send her a text message asking how her doctor appointment had gone(her tummy's hurting). I knew that it was gonna be a long shot, and that she might not even reply, but to my surprise she did. She wasn't really convinced about the way the Dr. treated her and she has to go back within the next couple of weeks for a blood exam.

She's going through a lot right now and I don't want to be more of a weight on her, in fact I want to help her, but I just don't seem to be able to do that. I feel like I'm just making the situation worse, and the thing is that I don't know how to make things better. I dunno, maybe it's one of those wrong place, wrong time kinda things.

Actually it's I know how to make her feel better and fix this situation but that involves getting my feelings out of the way, and just letting her go...

I'm in a no-win situation... or at least that's how this all feels...

What to do... ?!?!?

I guess that in the end I'm gonna have to sacrifice my feelings, because in the end she is more precious to me and I don't like it when I see her in pain. I wish things could be more simple.

It sometimes feels like I don't even know what I'm doing...

I know that if she is happy then I'm happy, even if that means hurting and sacrificing my own feelings...

I guess it's one of those 'you gotta let go and lose something to gain another that's even more precious' situations...

I miss her so much...

=o(